Tremble with Fear!
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While eating his morning cereal, Jamie is confronted by two diminutive aliens named Zzyxc and Xthyyz. Jamie suggests that there lives would be a lot simpler if they had names like Bob. The aliens thought that a brilliant idea, gave up their plan of conquest and headed home to rename everyone on their planet and their planet, "Bob."
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TREMBLE WITH FEAR!
By Will Rawson
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“TREMBLE WITH FEAR, puny earthlings!”
Jamie looked up from his breakfast cereal to see two tiny purple aliens staring at him from the kitchen table. They were both five centimeters tall and stood angrily by the milk jug.
“Take us to your leader!” cried one. “We have come to rule your planet!”
“You’re a bit small,” said Jamie.
“No we’re not,” replied the alien.
“Yes you are, you’re tiny!”
“We are not small,” the alien repeated in a patronizing voice. “We are just standing a long way away.”
Jamie snorted. “You’d have to be stood in the next street to look that small!”
The alien frowned. “We’re not small; you’re just far too big. Look at you, it’s perfectly ridiculous being that size.” He shook his fists in the air. “For we are Zzyxc and Xthyyz, from the planet Gryyxke. We have journeyed far!”
Jamie sighed. “Why do you aliens always have such silly names?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know,” he explained, “in movies and books and … on the kitchen table, you’re always called Xilch or Gryyyk or something daft. Why can't you pick a nice name for once?” Jamie thought for a moment. “Tell you what. I’ll take you to my leader…”
“Yes?”
“… if you change the name of your planet Alan.”
“Alan?”
“Yes.”
The aliens considered this for a moment. “I quite like that.”
“Me too,” agreed his friend.
“Ok,” they said.
“Fine,” said Jamie. “My leader is my mum and she’s upstairs.”
“Aha!” the aliens shouted. “And she leads your planet?”
“Not yet, no,” Jamie admitted.
The alien snorted. “Pah! Then she is useless—foolish child! Come Xthyyz, let us fly back to Planet Alan, and return with a mighty army!”
They jumped off the table and scurried towards the door.
“Maybe,” said the other alien, “maybe we should change our names to Alan as well?”
“What, all of us?”
“Yes, then we could all be Alan from Planet Alan.”
“I like the sound of that! Let us go!”
Jamie watched as a tiny pink spaceship flew out of the window and headed off to what would soon be the most confusing planet in the universe. Then he had some toast.
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